Wednesday, June 22, 2011

My Thots….

So I've been optimistic since the beginning of the year, considering that last year for me was as crappy as can ever be invented. Camp was such an anticlimax, service at my PPA fell way below my expectations and it didn't help that I was so freaking broke and I kept falling ill at every lil' sign of stress. *sigh* Needless to say that at the beginning of the year, I promised to change my outlook on my life in general: start being a lot more optimistic …you know, the whole law of attraction and all of that. It has worked so far up until the day of my POP which was supposed to be a glorious day since I was leaving the hated institution that NYSC represents for me. Yeah, I know there are people who go "Oh, camp was fun. I loved it"…." Oh NYSC is a chance to serve your country, I enjoyed it"…. Well all that is crap. I'll say it again and again and again: I HATED CAMP AND WOULD NEVER, EVER WISH IT ON ANYONE!

That said, I went oh so gleefully to collect my certificate but the evil entity that NYSC is still had a trick up its dirty sleeve. We fight it out and I emerge victorious (as usual) and I was so thankful for all of it being over. I mean, y'all wanted us to get experience, WE DID!!! During this one year, I've met all kinds of people: people who are so spineless, they'd rather be taken advantage of than speak up for themselves, people whose heads are so empty that a burst of wind would blow them away. Arse-kissers, gossipers, petty old people and peeps who expect the world to bend at their arrival…. I could go on and on but I have to check myself for my sake. All in all, they are good peeps but…what can I say, I'm mighty glad its over.

I was speaking to a friend and out of the blues he said "I think you have a very pessimistic view of life". I stopped short. I wasn't shocked, no, I wasn't. What stopped me however was the fact that this person barely knew me but from the little discussion we had, he thought of me as pessimistic. What hurt most was the fact that he wasn't the first person to tell me that. I mean, I like to think of myself as a happy and playful person (almost too playful) but pessimistic? That's heavy stuff.

I still have that headache. I don't know what to do about it short of praying. Seems like panadol has lost this battle. The internet connection is down hence my opportunity to ramble. If I were to get a degree for a super skill that I possess, it would have to be whining. Nobody does it quite like I do…. I mean, why wouldn't I, I almost broke my neck this morning, I need to sleep so badly, I've had a headache for almost a week and it refuses to leave me, I get home super late and hardly ever get to see my folks, I wish I could see my boyfriend more than once a week, I wish I didn't have to worry so much about my finances, I wish I didn't feel like im under constant pressure to deliver and on and on I could go if I had my way. Sheesh……I need a way out!

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