Monday, March 28, 2011

The Innuendo Saga

I sat at the cafeteria with my married friend. She was telling me about Mr. Lateef and what he said to her earlier and she was pissed. i told her that i didn't understand why she was taking the issue so seriously, afterall all he said was "...hope you don't have any other boyfriend in this office except me o." She and the other occupants at our table smiled at me and i knew instantly that there was something that i didn't know... It was at this time that i was given the innuendo lecture.
I'm an easy going fellow, i like to think that with me, what oyu see is what you get (i hope) but i seriously would not go the extra mile for you except i know that you are worth it. I also like to think that since i have no hidden agenda and am open with most of my friends, that they would give me the same courtesy, right? WRONG!!!! There is alot of sneakiness going around that i wasn't aware of and my friends finally decided to take the cloak off my eyes. I was made to realise the following facts:
1.We are in a media house so the tatafo/ Amebo levels are higher than normal. In others words, a casual hello to the head chef at the cafeteria would automatically make you his girlfriend two hours later. Relationships (casual ones) are made carefully. You don't talk to anyone any how and if someone is being very persistent about beinh your friend, you have to measure the right kind of coldness you would infuse into your hellos so as not to pass across the wrong message.
2. When a fellow colleage makes a playful remark about wanting to date you or, in some rare cases, jokes about doing stuff to you, chances are he isn't joking and if you smile back and return the joke you are giving him the 'greens', if you know what mean. In other words, Jokes are, em, not jokes so don't be decieved. They are hidden message sent out to unsuspecting girls like us to smile at and get unwittingly tangled in things we didn't bargain for.

Hearing this was like having cold water poured on your back in harmattan season. i began to wonder at all my male friends at my work place and what hidden messages they might have semt out and i must have unwittingly encouraged. I mentally sat down and began to review and i came to the conclusion that the only way to test this theory was to watch
watch out for these male friends of mine to see if they acted in a manner that was slightly more than friendly. My friends were right. I began to notice things that i originally wrote of as jokes. Needless to say that sometimes Ignorance is indeed bliss. Now i'm in a postion of having to right these (in my honest opinion) abnormal relationships. Heaven help me!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Tiring Battle....

I have a headache. I've had it for a while now, pounding so hard that I can hardly see through my left eye. I've taken so much panadol that it doesn't work any longer. I think, when it gets into my system the headache welcomes it and sends it to stomach jail with the other ineffective tablets. Mschew, silly things!

Its scary though, the frequency at which I have these headaches. I've googled, researched and spoken to peeps all to no avail. I get the same answer: ' stop stressing yourself, you think too much, you are not taking care of yourself....blah! I'm so sick of hearing all of that. Like i'll deliberately sit and not take care of my self. Besides how do you sit and not think? Look at my situation; i'm a bloody broke corper who hasn't been paid in months and is trying to run two jobs which happen to be at opposite ends of the world. I feel like I'm being dragged from everywhere: the office, my family, my friends, my wonderful boyfriend who is the one that makes all of this easier than it would have originally been. I mean, I love these peeps but sometimes I just want to be alone for a whole day without my mum calling me to do stuff or Destiny gisting me about his numerous girlfriends that, honestly but without spite, i'm seriously not interested in. I think I need help.

I look forward to weekends though (for obvious reasons) where I get to be with someone who doesn't judge me (except when it comes to my eating habits.....with good intentions of course) and I can actually relax with. These days even when I sleep at night, i'm tense. As in I cannot relax, it has become an effort. When I wake in the morning, i'm as tired as the day before when I went to bed. I can't talk to anyone, they'll just feel like i'm being dramatic or they scream at me (a la mommy, who is by the way my best friend) like i'm a 10yr old kid who doesn't know left from right. Whats worse, at the office there is all this petty politics going on that makes me wonder how people so old can be so petty. Its disheartening. I soooo need a way out but there is none in sight. Thankfully, it is Thursday which means that by Saturday I get to see my wonderful boyfriend (yes, yes, I see y'all yimu-ing but its me wahala) who has a very nice posterior.:) :). Till then, imma go find meself some painkillers to take care of this pounding, one-sided headache.

Later, people....Meee.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Smiling through Tears.

He pulled up in front of Fagunwa hall as she sighed and gathered her things.
Are you ok?” he asked. She replied in the affirmative and tried to control herself so it wouldn't seem like she was in a hurry to leave him.
So am I seeing you tonight?” Tope asked. Lola took in a deep breath before she answered. “I have an 8:00am test tomorrow”
Are you trying to tell me something” he asked, his face gathering into a scowl “you know I can have you in school by 6:00am.”
...but I need to read....”
I'll be here by 7:30 to pick you up. I suggest you pack somethings ready”
She looked at him and didn't say anything. There was nothing she could say when Tope hads made up his mind. He took her chin, gently lifting her face to meet his. “you know I can't be without you” he said softly. She looked into his eyes and nodded mutely.
I'll see you later today”
Ok,”she replied “ have a good day.” she got out of the car and walked to the front of her hall, feeling his eyes on her back as she walked away from him. She knew her roommates would be watching her from the window upstairs so she took her time, feeling like a reluctant actor in a drama cast. She walked to her room and braced her self for the onslaught of questions from her roommates. She wasn't disappointed.
They rushed to meet her all at once.
My god, Lola how do you stand the heat, that boy is so hot....”
How was the night? God, you must be tingling all over.....”
Jeez babes, does he have a younger brother or a friend? It is a crime for someone to look that fine......”
It was routine that she was used to, tired of but amused by. They all thought she was lucky to be dating Tope Peters, a known big boy in the school and son to wealthy and popular socialite parents.
Girls girls, I need to rest, I'm tired” she replied all their questions.
ok o, but you owe us gist” they replied. She climbed onto her bed. Her next lecture was by two and she badly needed to sleep. She drifted off, thinking futilely of ways to get herself out of tonight's engagement.
* * *
She looked at her gold swatch wristwatch and tried to quell the panic she felt rising within her. It was 7:00pm and knowing Tope, he'll already be outside waiting for her. Tope was big on appearances, acting in a befitting manner and expecting everyone around him to. Lola never fell short of expectations but he didn't expect her to. He made sure she didn't even consider it. What he didn't know was that he didn't have anything to be afraid of, she was a gentle spirited person that didn't need to be brow-beaten into submission. She paced and paced, thankful that she was the only one in the room. Her other roommates had gone to see their boyfriends but would be returning that night. She was the only one who returned the following morning to the constant teasing by her roommates. She looked at her wristwatch and picked up her little bag and stepped of the room.
They drove home in silence. He asked how her day was and she replied that it was ok and also asked about his day. He looked at her and smiled. She frowned. Something wasn't right.
what is the problem?” she asked
Problem, there's no problem. Why would you think so?”
Look Tope, I know that look, what is the problem?”
Did you read for your test?” he asked out of the blue. She felt her chest tighten in dread and felt sweat trickle down her armpit.
Er....yes, I did” she replied hesitantly
You know, you've always been a terrible liar”he replied and looked at her with Venom in his eyes.
What is all this about?” she asked feigning ignorance and praying that he would let the matter go. He smiled and just then they drove into the gates of his home. Her fear didn't let her appreciate the beauty of the surroundings like she used to in the early stages of their relationship. She got of of the car after him and walked into the house. She turned to talk to him a was dealt with a resounding slap to her face that had her on the floor in minutes.
How dare you lie to me? You know lie to me “ he said accentuating each word with a kick. “Please...let me...don't...” Lola tried to explain but he kept hitting her. She tried to block out the pain hoping that he would lose steam soon. A few minutes later, the blows stopped and she lay on the floor, her body racked with sobs. He gathered her in his arms... “I'm so sorry baby, I didn't mean to get that way with you.” She looked at him and saw that he was crying. He always did that ; beat her, cry, then make love to her. She tried not to flinch when he dabbed at her eyes with his handkerchief and lifted her to the room. They went through the motions, she acting the part for if she didn't and lay there like a clod stone, he would hit her again. Soon he was asleep, she tightly in his arms. She lay there for what seemed like an eternity and when she felt his grip loosen, she gently got up, gathered her things and let herself out of the house.
At the gate, the gate man got out to open the gate for her. He could get into trouble for this but he didn't mind. This one didn't deserve this. He watched her as she walked into the night.

Monday, March 7, 2011


She was hungry.... so very hungry. She sat a few meters away and watched the children kick an empty tin of milk amongst each other. She marveled at their carefree attitude even in this dire situation that they were in. They were in an orientation camp. She wasn't sure of their exact location, she had ceased trying when they took her brother from her. It had been months since she saw her brother and she ached everytime she thought of him. She promised her dying mother that she would take care of him and she had failed...woefully. She tried not to think about how he had been forcibly taken from her to join the guriella fighters. He was but a child, barely twelve years old but that didn't deter them, he was a man and owed it to his country to fight. She remembered his face, void of emotion as they took him away, it was expressionless, the eyes of a child who had seen and experienced too much, too fast.
                   *                                                *                                         *
She hadn't eaten in days. Her only source of food, her "friends" had deserted her, stating oh-so-explicitly that if she wanted to eat she had to learn how to hustle. She didn't blame them, situation dictated your attitudes to certain things but she wasn't sure she could do what they did.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

LOST....for a minute there.

So im at the office, alot of work to do and alot of people on my case. Im trying to remain sweet and smily when all i really want to do is scream and slap some faces. I wonder why peeps seem to think that they can take advantage of a smiling face, if only they knew how much teeth lay behind the smile.....(deep breaths jessica, deep breaths). I need a way out and soon, if not, i'll run out of this ofice screaming at the top of my lungs and ripping off my clothes. So i ignore all the work i have to do, pick up my good ol' flash and start to go through my pictures. It is my failsafe mode of escape, running to the safety of the memories of the pictures. I smile o-so-wistfully as i view the photo tagged the morning after.....
                                 *                                             *                                         *
It was a sunny saturday and i lay on my bed watching everyone packing to go home, Moji to Gowon estate, Kemi to Surulere, Onna to Alausa. i didn't want to go home cause i had my project to write and i knew that going home will be the end of my project writing dreams. So i watched them thinking about what i was to do to occupy myself. i didn't have a boyfriend at the time so there was no one to call to take me out besides i just wasnt in the mood. (heck, half of the time, i don't know what im in the mood for...). " So what are you going to do all weekend?" Onna asks. I sigh and shift on my bed. i don't even know the answer to the question. Just then Oyin saunters into the room and flops onto the bed. "Oh my, last night was so much fun...." No one says anythinhg, knowing Oyin, she would go on regardless. "Won't you guys ask me what happened?" she asks us. "oya" Moji says "what happened?" and Oyin launches into a tale of her exploits. Trust Pyin, she is never to tired for parols or of the gist thereafter. We smile obligatorily, ask a few questions and she shouts "Iya Mercy", hethe any-work lady who helps us get our meal. The lady arrives and she orders her regular 'amala and ewedu, with inu-eron'. 

Sometime later the girls start t trickle out one after the other and inside of me i start to panic cause i really don't want to atay alone in the room all weekend. "What are you doing today?" i ask Oyin, hoping that by some stroke of luck, he would consider not going out. "Oh, today is poetry portal and i'll be going. there is this fashion revolution thingy that they are doing and i'm so so going to be there" I shrug. So much for asking. "U wanna come?" she asks. iI hadn't quite thought about it sha.
"hmmm, are you sure it wont be too much trouble?"
"I'll talk to Oyinda" she says. Long story short, she does and its ok for me to come along. We prepare to go and soon we are on the island. Now, though it was an interesting story, that isn't the thrust of the story. The story begins when the show is over and it is time for us to leave. Oyin says that we can't go to school that we should go to Volar to party instead. Im in no mood to party but hey, i can be a good sport upon occasion so i tag along. A few hurs later i wished i hadn't.
We partied all night long and at 5ish, we decide to go back to the mainland. On third mainland bridge the car comes to a stop and we are stranded. We check for likely problems and discover that there is nop fuel in the car. with no station in  sight, we start up trhe car and drive with all the speed that the little fuel could muster till the car finally gave up at gbagada. By now, im scared outta my wits and it doesnt help that the guys with us are tellin stories of armed robbers and how gbagada is such a 'dangerous' place to be at night. I'm praying and calling on all the powers that be to deliver us from the situation we so sillyly put ourselves into. I'm too scared to sleep but im seriously tired as i've been up all day. Paul, the owner of the car (who is quite drunk, might i add) gets a jerrycan and proceeds to look for fuel. im wonder if he is sober enough to know where he is going much less find fuel. Oyin is gisting with another guy, Idam, and i tune them out, the need for sleep overpowering my initial fear. i doze off for a while and soon i feel the car moving. somehow we landed at Maryland, then at Tejuosho in Yaba. In my sleep im thinking "jeez babes, your mates are in chucrh worshipinh and you are crawling the streets of lagos". By now, im mentally crying for a bed. At Tejuosho, ee bunk at a friends place, sleep till we can sleep no more and finally around 11:30ish am, we head back to school. I've never been so happy to see the gates of University of lagos and when we get to Moremi, i scrub myself clean of all the accumulated make-up and grime.
Fear forgotten, we gist for a while and nod off and when i awake, Oyin had disappeared (as usual). There is a knock on the door and Moji Taiwo walks in. I check the time and it ia 7:30pm. She drops her things sighing and complaining of the conductor of the bus she entered. I smile at her story. she looks at me with a wierd expression on her face and asks me "How did poetry porter go yesterday?"
I smile as i reply "you do not want to know, babes, you really don't want to know"